I started my journey with Krista and LMF in September of this year and it has been a wild ride. I didn’t know anything when I walked in the door. I couldn’t even squat properly. During my very first workout, I was sure I was going to either throw up or pass out, or both. I was scared, but I knew I would come back. I wasn’t going to give up that easily.
As the weeks have passed, I’ve felt myself getting stronger – not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. I’ve lived with anxiety and depression since my high school years and at 24 years old, I think I’ve managed well. What I didn’t realize when I started LMF and the BEAST program was that working out was going to not only give me sweet abs but a kick-ass mentality. I haven’t had a panic attack since September and I don’t remember feeling overwhelmed by anxiety or stress for the past nine weeks. For me, that’s incredible.
One of the other surprises was the correlation – or lack thereof – between inches lost and pounds lost. I’ve lost 13 inches since September, but only six pounds. I actually gained two pounds back at my second weigh-in. That shocked me, but I didn’t let it get in my head. I didn’t want to start talking negatively about my body again. In elementary school, I was bullied and called fat for two years straight. This made me a professional negative body talker for the past decade. It’s difficult to ignore the voice in your head that likes to talk smack about you, but going to the gym has helped shut the voice up. It still comes back when I look in the mirror sometimes, but I like getting to tell that voice to check out my arms and hear how quiet it is after.
Back to the point, which I will bold because it’s really important: inches matter more than pounds. Think of all the body fat you’re burning at the gym, then replacing with muscle. Muscle weighs a lot! Just because you gained a pound but lost a few inches doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate. In fact, that’s a great accomplishment and it deserves a high five. Your body is your body and you need to love it no matter how much it weighs.
This LMF journey hasn’t been easy-peasy-shampoo-squeezy, though. I’ve had my days where that bar felt like it weighed 100 pounds and those burpees made my arms light on fire. One of the hardest days I had was during Krista’s lift week. She taught us how to deadlift from the ground, clean the bar to our shoulders, and then how to jerk the bar above our heads. Needless to say, that Monday I was terrified. My biggest fear was always heavy bars. I can’t explain it, but it’s one of those fears you just know you have without ever actually picking up a bar before. But I wasn’t getting away with it this week – I had to face my fears.
Monday wasn’t so bad because the bar didn’t go above my head. When Wednesday rolled around, we had to clean the bar. I broke out in a sweat and that was not from the warm-up. We were put in groups of two and when it was my turn, I could feel myself starting to panic. The first try was an utter fail. The second wasn’t much better. By the third time, I had had enough and I had to take a step back. I didn’t expect to start crying. All I could think in that moment was: God how embarrassing is this get it together girl it’s just a bar PICK IT UP!
Everyone in my BEAST group was very supportive of me having my moment. I was still embarrassed but at least I didn’t feel judged. So I wiped my tears, blew my nose a few times, and went back to that stupid bar. I didn’t even think when I cleaned it. I was so frustrated with myself for overanalyzing and psyching myself out that I just wanted that bar up. And I did it. Three times in a row I cleaned that bar perfectly (or as close to perfect a beginner like me can get). I felt amazing afterwards. I was still shaking a bit from my cry, but at least I had proven to myself that I could do it. I could push through the struggles and get the job done.
Friday I was still nervous, but I wasn’t as afraid as I had been on Monday. I felt more in control and I knew I had the skills to do what Krista asked of me. And what you see in the picture above is the final product a proper clean, followed with a split jerk.
My journey with LMF isn’t over yet. I’ve signed up for the next session and I look forward to being another one of Krista’s beasts. I hope what I’ve said here will help others who are just starting out with LMF or who are struggling with some of the things I am.